The (non)Working Hand

I knew when I was diagnosed with arthritis at 28 that the time I had to use my hands was limited. I had already given up a lot of dreams because of my condition. After two surgeries left my dominant hand basically useless all I had left was one. I lost painting, knitting and a lot of other abilities. Thirty years after that I made do with one hand (and got pretty good at it, frankly) arthritis invaded my working hand, ultimately leaving me with three fingers I could use. I was cheerful about it. Three fingers are better than none.

I got thirty-five years of limited use out of my hands, and I am grateful. Most people with my condition aren't that lucky. I think sewing, quilting and my other creative endeavors have helped me hang onto as much use of my working hand as I could.

Now the painful truth is I've finally run out of time, and I'm rapidly losing what use I have left. My fingers are stiff as little boards, the joints swollen and painful. Gripping anything hurts like I'm being burned. My two non-working fingers are twisting and flaring with so much pain I haven't been able to move them on many days. My left/useless hand is now actually stronger than my right working hand.

I won't let this stop me from doing the things I love, of course. I just have to learn to do them differently. Crochet seems to be the easiest thing for me; I can hang onto the hook fairly well. I can still quilt, although I'm much slower and must rely on the sewing machine more. I can see a time not too far off, however, where almost everything I enjoy doing creatively will be impossible for me to continue.

I'm not bitter or disappointed. I think the reason I've made so many things during my life is because I was mentally preparing for the time ahead when I won't be able to. That's fine; I always knew I'd end up here. Also, I was supposed to be completely crippled by the time I was 40, and instead I got an extra 23 years to function beyond that diagnosis. I'm lucky, and I know it.

Hand images generated by Hotpot AI, which seems to have problems of its own with fingers. Oh, well.

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Stuff

After finding this Caron one pound skein of lovely peach yarn in my thrifted lot I raided my stash for two cakes of Mandala in Pegasus, which matches it perfectly. For practice and hand therapy I'm going to make another Worth Street Afghan with this free pattern , but this time I'll use the yarn that was recommended for it plus the one pound skein. I'm not quite ready to do the vintage/recycled linen quilt I had planned (still a bit too nervous about the idea), so I'm going to use some color therapy and make a quilt from these thrifted green fat quarters. I considered doing another Yellow Brick road patchwork pattern, but I might go with a split rail fence like this one.

Journal Find

This is a page from my 2010 poetry journal. My handwriting isn't the best, so I'll transcribe it: If my heart survives to tell all the secrets kept inside it will be an abalone shell in which the beauty did reside. But I think I will always be lost to the tides that rage in me . . . humbling and polishing . . . I don't write many self-portrait poems, but this one isn't too embarrassing. A bit overly dramatic, but the girl I was eleven years ago went through some tough times. I'm in a much more peaceful place today.

Watchable Farce

The k-drama Undercover High School is a series that brings a handsome spy to play a student at an elite private school where a legend about billions of gold hidden there persists. It's more silly slapstick comedy than anything, but has some surprising romantic and dramatic moments, too. Seo Kang-joon is one of my favorite Korean actors, and this is the first series he's made since finishing up his mandatory military service. He plays Jeong Hae-seong/ Jeong Si-hyun, an NIS agent who infiltrates a snobby elitist school to hunt down the gold. There are four urban legends connected to the treasure that he has to figure out, all under the too-watchful eye of his homeroom teacher, Oh Su-Ah (Jin Ki-joo) whom he eventually discovers was his elementary school love Oh Bong-ja (there's a lot of name changing in this series.) The hunt for the treasure is the highlight of this series, but the romance between the leads is cute, too (and not as taboo as you might think, given that...

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